Vlog: What Music is for Me Today

On Instagram, I keep a daily music vlog called “What Music is for Me Today.” The idea came to me after I spent months too depressed to play guitar. When I finally picked it up again, just strumming one note felt like a miracle. I came to tears at the sound. It was one of the most important things I had played in my life.

We spend 95% of our musical lives behind closed doors but place the most meaning into the 5% we spend performing in front of audiences. Is it possible for it all to be equally meaningful? Perhaps a wrong note on stage was simply what the music was then at that moment. Can we savor a scale we have played a million times? Rejoice in making a single chord during a day of depression? Some of the greatest performances of my life were for myself and family. They include playing on a boat for seagulls, singing in my dad’s ear while he was in the hospital, practicing oboe while my mom was cooking fried chicken. Looking back on past bad performances, I like to think things like, “This is the music of an earnest but nervous 12-year-old trying to play Chopin,” or “This is the music of a rainy day when all equipment fails.” It is what it is. It’s music.